An apology.

I know you'll probably never see this. I know that everybody would most likely tell me you don't deserve this. However, I know differently. So here it is....

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I've done. I'm sorry that I entered into your life and made it hell for you. I'm sorry that after all you've been through all I've done is hurt you more. I'm sorry that I've moved on. I'm sorry that I'm happy about it. I'm sorry that I'm not going to change it and you're not happy with my choice. I'm sorry that I don't care what you think of my choice. I'm sorry that they don't understand.

I'm sorry.....

How to Export from Noteflight into Garageband

I hate Macs. They're too difficult for me to use. These are my instructions on how export a noteflight score into garageband... because I guarantee I'll forget again if I don't write this. 


1. Open your noteflight score. 
2. Open a new score in Garageband
3. Click on Export in noteflight.... make sure it's as a midi file
4. Option should be set as "For musical performance" 
5. Save it into your documents on the devil computer you're using. 
6. Go back into garage band and open up the finder.
7. Drag the midi into garageband


TA DAAAA
These instructions weren't very good.... but I'm too distracted by Dan looking up pictures of fluffy bunnies to care. 

Ugh...

I'm tired of feeling like a monster. I always feel like my actions or words are hurting someone else, especially the people I care about most. I always hurt them without the intention to. I don't mean to be a horrible person. I tend to be an impulsive person (not a good thing sometimes) which is the problem. I do things because I WANT to; because I know they'll make me happy. And then I realize the effect after. The people I've hurt. I wish I was a turtle. Turtles have shells they can crawl into to protect themselves. If I were a turtle.... I think I'd crawl into my shell to protect me from doing stupid things and from seeing the people I love hurt.

I don't hate myself, I just wish I were a better person.

No.

Lately I've been feeling pretty down. You know what they say: Misery loves company. Yeah well apparently it chose me to keep it from being lonely. I don't want to be miserable. I don't want to feel like I'm the problem. Not everything is always my fault. I miss you.

Oh the Urge!

So today, something kind of crazy happened. I had the biggest urge to play piano. I'm not good, nor do I have the time to even try, but I gave in and sat down at the keyboard in my room. It's was a mixture of wonderful and aggravating. Wonderful: because I got lost in it and had so much fun. Aggravating: because I can't sing or play well AND my keyboard lacks a pedal. Through it all though, it calmed me... A LOT. I've been thinking a great deal lately and since Thursday I've been in a pretty amazing mood. I'm starting to wonder when this happiness will wear off because I know it can't last forever. I also added a new quote to my wall. It's a Meriwether lyric of course (my favorite band).
"I haven't come this far to let you bring me down. And even if you try, I'll never turn around."

I sound like a dying animal and the keyboard sounds terrible. I hope a picture will be good enough.

Proof That Dinosaurs Still Exist!

As I was driving home from school today, I narrowly avoided running over a shoe sitting in the middle of the road. A shoe? A shoe. Only one. How, may i ask, do you lose ONE shoe in the MIDDLE of the road?! I have this theory......


Mr. Average Felix (I don't know why this was the first name to come to mind) was taking a relaxing walk today. Nothing exciting and important ever happens to him so he expected today's walk to be just as boring. Average Felix decided to cross the street. He looked both ways to make sure nothing was coming. When he decided it was safe he stepped into the road and started walking. He could see his destination (the other sidewalk) right up ahead and in reach. All of a sudden as he got to the middle of the road he saw a shadow pass over him and a giant PTERODACTYL swooped in and picked him up. He lost his shoe and that was the last anyone ever saw of Average Felix.

It seems like it would make sense. I mean seriously now, what other cool ways would you lose a shoe in the middle of the road?

Fail.

You know, sometimes I wish I was a little MORE fearful rather than fearless. Then maybe I wouldn't be reduced to hiding in my bedroom with earphones in as I try to distract my brain that's moving over 100 miles per minute. I feel like if I wasn't so fearless then maybe I would be more of an introvert and I wouldn't have to worry about talking to people and telling them what I think. Then in that case, I wouldn't have to worry about their responses.
Oh well.

Can I cry yet?

Sight singing. How do I feel about this? Not very good at all to be completely honest. Singing isn't exactly one of my strong points to begin with, but when you pair it with solfege it DEFINITELY isn't going to go well. I just got finished with my AP Music Theory sight singing test and I COMPLETELY killed every ounce of hope I had of passing this class. Not only is my range terrible, but I can't remember my solfege. I sang wrong pitches and paired them with the wrong solfege. I'll update this later, I have to go. He's explaining all this to us now. Toodles!


That's what I look like.... miserable. 

Criticism Isn't Harmful to Your Health.... Calm Down!

Today while sitting in history I thought of something: people are such softies nowadays. Everybody is so offended by criticism. It seems to be OK when THEY do it to someone else, but the second someone criticizes them, they automatically freak out. I feel like by NOT criticizing certain things, people are being hurt more.

An example of this is when I play my oboe. I take private lessons and my teachers is ALWAYS giving me ways to better myself. If I play something completely out of tune he doesn't just say, "OK that was really good!" so as to not offend me. Instead he criticizes me and tells me, "Well, that wasn't that good. It was horribly out of tune. Play it over again." Then he gives me advice on how to fix my intonation problems and I do it again. Without him telling me it sounded horrible from a more experienced point of view, how would I ever know to fix it? And if I don't learn to fix it, how would I ever get better?

Another example is something my English teacher said. I'm not all too fond of this teacher, but he said something that I completely agree on. He told us that we weren't all the same, that we weren't all equal. He flat out told us, some people were better than others. Not all us can make it into Ivy League schools. Honestly, I agree with him. Some people ARE smarter than others. Some people ARE more talented than others at certain things. I feel as though we have been coddled our entire life and brought up to think that we are ALL just as good as one another. However, we of course know that we aren't. It all depends on how much work you put into whatever you do. If you sit around and don't do homework but still expect to get an A in the class, then you're wrong. Plus, I believe that when taking criticism, it will make you work harder. If somebody tells you that you truly suck at something, wouldn't you want to try harder just to prove them wrong?

If you want to tell me my blog sucks, GO AHEAD. I promise you I won't be offended. I personally think criticism (both positive and negative) is good to hear.

Dan the Purple Turtle

Today in songwriting my friends and I were bored and had a small story idea going. I've decided to to finish it while I have nothing better to do.
First off I'd like to say:

Dear Dan,

This blog post is basically for you. Remember when I wrote blog about Dan on my hand? Well yeah.

Yours truly,
Me

OK so there was this purple turtle named Dan. Dan the purple turtle was a destructive jerk who liked to burn down orphanages and shove his elbows in my space while I'm trying to pearl dive*. One day an evil army of pink spiders decided to take over the world. Dan the purple turtle woke up that morning from barely any night's sleep and was cranky. He wasn't in the mood for a pink spider apocalypse. All he wanted was to eat any food he could, especially pistachios and Fritos. All of a sudden Dan the purple turtle heard a cry from off in the distance.

"HELP! THE PINK SPIDERS ARE TRYING TO EAT US!" Dan crawled over as fast as he could to see what all the hoopla was about and saw his friends Ian the orange octopus, Jasmin the blue koala bear, and Nicole the green alpaca trapped inside a huge pink spider web. "I'll save you!" Dan cried out.

As he crawled to the web, the giant pink spider came out from her hiding spot and blocked his path. "You'll never get past me!" She yelled. Dan tried to fight off the spider but he just wasn't strong enough. All of a sudden he had an idea: he would sing for her! Everyone knows pink spiders burst into flames when someone sings to them.

"LALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAA!" Dan sang out with what sounded like the voice of a thousand angels. The spider burst into flames instantly and he was able to get his friends down. "YAY! Dan you saved us!" they all cried.

Then a giant banana ate all of them.

The end!


*Pearl Diving is an exercise which is basically the same thing as a stream of consciousness. You write about everything on your mind at that moment.

Coolest Marching Band Show EVER?!

Being the giant band geek that I am, I have taken my school's marching band show Matador and turned it all around up in my head. The show is pretty epic right now: cute matador is trying to be seducted by a sexy gypsy and he fights the bull and wins. HOWEVER, it's kind of expected of the matador to triumph no?

How about we flip this show upside down?!

Ok, so there's a matador right? And he's just running around the field like, "La la la look at me I'm a hot matador." So he's going to try and fight this bull, but all of a sudden the sexy gypsy sees him and is all like, "WOW! The matador is cute! I want him!" So she runs out and tries to seduce him.

The main drum major (there's two in our band) sees the gypsy and the matador as she's conducting and thinks to herself, "WOW! The matador is cute! I want to steal him from the gypsy so I can have him for myself!" So then the drum major swan dives off the stand and over the pit so she lands on the field. The other drum major runs up and starts conducting. Now the matador is being chased on the field by both the gypsy and drum major #1.

All of a sudden, drum major #2 sees drum major #1, the gypsy, and the matador as she's conducting and thinks to herself, "WOW! The matador is cute! I want to steal him from drum major #1 AND the gypsy so I can have him for myself!" So then drum major #2 swan dives off the stand and over the pit so she lands on the field. The bull runs out of him pen and up the stand so he can conduct the band.

The matador is no longer interested in fighting the bull because he's like, "WOW! There's a huge group of chicks chasing me for my love!" The gypsy, drum major #1, and drum major #2 all realize what's going on and think, "Wait a minute, we can't ALL have the matador. I WANT HIM FOR MYSELF!" So they all grab sabers from the colorguard and have an epic battle to the death.

Right as they're in a triangle formation about to stab each other, the matador runs up and yells, "STOP!" as the sabers all meet it the middle above his head. He proceeds to say, "I can't be with any of you because.... I SECRETLY WANT THE BULL!"

So then drum major #1, drum major #2, and the gypsy all drop dead instantly from intense heartbreak, and the matador then runs up to the drum major podium where the bull is conducting. He tells the bull, "I WANT YOU!" The bull says, "Well.... YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!!!" and he then EATS the matador. Om nom nom.

And then the bull wins.

I don't know.... this seems like an exciting and unpredictable show to me.